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Dating Emotional Predators: Signs to Look Out For by Shahida Arabi Dating an emotional predator, a narcissist, a sociopath or anyone else who has the potential to be an abusive or toxic influence in your life is a devastating emotional roller coaster of highs and lows.Although many abusers tend to unfold and reveal their true selves long after they’ve already reeled their victims in, there are some key signs to look out for when dating someone that can foreshadow their future behavior. Abusers want to control and manipulate their victims, so they will find covert ways to maintain control over you psychologically.There is no need to also bring the subject "where is this going" or "are we exclusive?" if he has said it once that he wasn't ready for relationship. The less you are attached and act eager, the safer he feels and the more he wants to come closer and spend more time with you.Hopefully, this is a relationship you walked away from.For odds are that, in both cases I've portrayed, you were dealing with a person who might best be understood as having what in developmental psychology is called an pattern.This most useful concept--introduced into the literature by Mary Ainsworth who, along with her mentor, John Bowlby, represent the chief pioneers in the vital field of attachment theory--focuses on the nature of children's attachment to their earliest caregiver as it crucially shapes how they'll relate to others later in life.Here, bulleted, are some words and phrases that collectively capture--on the surface, at least--the various dimensions of the "characterological coldness" I've been depicting (though, of course, no single individual is likely to manifest all these features): --I should briefly mention what avoidant attachment is not.
If you find yourself being bombarded with text messages, voicemails, calls and e-mails on an hourly basis in the early stages of dating, keep a lookout for other signs.
Of course, if you’re familiar with the vicious abuse cycle of narcissists which include idealization, devaluation and discard, you’ll know that you’ll soon be thrust off the pedestal.
Unlike dating partners who are simply excited to see you again and express their interest with polite enthusiasm, toxic partners will get considerably upset if you choose not to respond to them right away or if you resist their idealization by giving yourself necessary space.
What I found most interesting about the book was the discussion around narcissism and dating.
Most of the people you get involved with will fall far short of this full-blown personality disorder, but there are definitely people out there who have unjustifiably high self-esteem, and they are terrible relationship risks.
It might seem incredible that someone is so besotted with you after just one date, but it’s actually a red flag for dubious behavior and unwarranted attachment.