Dating an egotistical person
My most recent posting elicited more than a few comments, many of them predictably harshly critical of me for dating so much and being "committed to being uncommitted." I've learned some things during my over 50 dating years, and hope some of those lessons are of help to people my age -- men AND women (and yes, next column will be advice for women, as foolish as that may seem to some readers coming from such an uncommitted cad as I). I got divorced 20 years ago and after a three-year, three-state child custody battle that cost more -- financially and emotionally -- than one can imagine, I got sole custody of my then 11- and 8-year-old children. I was busy raising these fabulous kids (the best thing I've ever done) and laser-focused on that and only that. I've been married, engaged, and in a few long relationships. After all, the vast majority of men and women on these dating sites had been in long-term marriages. If you're "alone," you must be either a social pariah, (Ted Kaczynski, the Unabomber), or terribly, terribly pathetic and sad and unable to maintain a relationship.
You may not realize it or want to take it further, but it’s all the first few stages of a rebound relationship.It was what I had dreamt of all those years when I read of dueling pistols and men of great action and few words. ”Suddenly, I wished my women’s studies professor from Sarah Lawrence were there.After the punching finally stopped, Anton walked up to me shirtless and sweaty, caked with blood and dirt, his arms outstretched in an unmistakable gesture of victory. Pistols at dawn seemed a ludicrous symbol of male egotism, and I longed for men in tailored suits, who solved arguments with Woody Allen jokes and New Yorker references.I can hear the knee-jerk chorus: "No man who dates a lot loves women." Well, I do. But as importantly, I appreciate what mature women have dealt with.
I know what it's like to raise kids alone, I know that these women have sacrificed professional lives and friendships and social and financial benefits others have enjoyed.